i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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