I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
