Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
