we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
two words...techno handjob
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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