she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
