I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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