I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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