Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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