If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
