youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
