So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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