sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
