Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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