she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
