At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
