After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm at about main and main street
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
