Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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