so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
