Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
