I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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