is your mom at the bar?
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
