Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
