Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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