I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
