he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
