I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
