Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
