I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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