I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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