Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
