I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
