My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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