Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
