I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
