Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Come on in and take your pants off
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