i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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