yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize