Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
