I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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