you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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