And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
