Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
