uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
