I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize