six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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