32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
