After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
