please come you make the beer taste better
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
