dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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