she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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