if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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