come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
