How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
