Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize