Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
