I wish I could teleport
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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