bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
