hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
