You made me cry and you don't even care
did you get engaged???
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
