found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
