Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
