1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
