ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
