You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
