I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
