Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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